Live now, avoid regrets later
Don't be a cog in the machinery of your life
Good morning,
I recently rediscovered this short 2012 essay from Paul Graham, a self-described programmer, writer, and investor.
You should click this link and invest the 83 seconds it will take you to read it.
He references the biggest regrets of the dying, according to palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware.
The top 5 regrets are:
I wish I'd lived a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
I wish I hadn't worked so hard
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends
I wish I'd allowed myself to be happier
When I guide a new client through my Discovery conversation, one of the questions I often ask is,
"If you had 24 hours left to live, what would you most regret not having done or not having been in your life?"
And inevitably, I get answers similar to the list above.
Chief among them is spending more time with family and friends.
So, I ask you... what's stopping you from spending more time with family and friends today?
This week?
This weekend?
Or doing anything else you might later regret not having done?
Or said?
Or been?
While the list above has been around a while, I like how Paul Graham frames a couple of key points...
He highlights these are all "errors of omission."
In other words, these aren't things people did and later regretted.
They're each something someone wishes they HAD done.
But didn't.
This means, and Graham again points out, these are a result of our default actions.
Of inertia.
His solution to avoiding these deathbed regrets?
Don't be a cog.
In his words,
"The 5 regrets paint a portrait of post-industrial man, who shrinks himself into a shape that fits his circumstances, then turns dutifully till he stops."
Worse still, we're often a cog in a machine someone else built.
This machine (our lives) was likely built on the expectations of our parents, our children, our friends, our community, or others.
Or maybe you feel trapped as a cog in a machine created by your own expectations.
Now, I'm not here to vilify expectations.
They can often serve as powerful motivators.
What I do question, and would encourage you to question, is whether you're living according to expectations of your own choosing?
Are you truly the author of your own life?
Time is our most precious resource.
Make sure you're using your time deliberately to live a life of premeditated purpose.
And please don’t wait until you’re retired to really start living the life you want!
In a not-so-roundabout way, this is at the heart of the work I do with my clients like you.
Money is important and we each need it to live our lives.
But is your money aligned with the life you really want to live, both today and in the future?
Have you considered not just your financial goals, but your personal values and the priorities among what it is you want to do with the time you have?
Listen, we all - each of us - get one shot at this thing called life.
None of us is getting out of here alive.
While you need to attend to your personal and professional responsibilities, think about how you can be more intentional about some of the items on the list above.
Or about anything else that is important to you.
At the end of the day, financial and retirement planning is about regret minimization.
Isn't it?
And if something is important enough, you can always find the time to get it done.
If you'd like to discuss how to align your financial resources with living your best life, that's what I do.
So feel welcome to reply to this email, and we can discuss things further.
And even if we never speak, I encourage you to give this some thought and consider how you can be less of a cog and more of an active participant in living your life without regrets.
Links & things
If you - or someone you know - are worried about aging parents, then join me and my friends from CareAlly for a free webinar on February 19th.
It’s called Opening Doors: Conversations with Aging Parents About Care.
During this webinar you will learn valuable insights and strategies to have these important conversations and understand the different types of care that your parents may need in the future.
Whether you’re planning for the future or already involved in caregiving, we will equip you with the tools needed to bridge the gap and ensure your loved ones receive the care they deserve and need.
As a bonus, everyone who registers for the webinar will also receive a complimentary 30 minute 1:1 care coaching call with Maria, an experienced care navigator. Maria will be able to give you specific advice and recommendations to help on your journey.
Space is limited, so be sure to sign up here.
And please share this webinar with anyone else that might be interested…
Thanks for reading.
Until next Wednesday,
Russ