The romantic lie
Happy Wednesday!
I've been lying to myself.
You probably have been too.
What has been referred to as "The Romantic Lie" by French social scientist Rene Girard is also known as mimetic desire.
For more, I encourage you to read this article. And be sure to watch the short video clip from Casino Royale embedded in the article for an example of mimetic desire in action...
This one really hit me between the eyes.
In the 2nd example given at the top of the article, it talks about an online publishing platform called Substack.
In a nutshell, I - for absolutely no good reason - recently decided that I should start using Substack to send you my weekly emails.
There is nothing wrong with the email newsletter system I've been using.
And there's not really anything that Substack does better or different than my prior system (the one I'm now using again, btw).
In fact, if I'm honest... Substack is actually less capable than the system I've been happily using for some time now.
But upon reflection - and after reading the article above - I recognized that I'd started seeing more and more of my colleagues using Substack to send out THEIR emails.
Hmmm, interesting.
Do these other folks know something I don't?
Is Substack better in some way?
Am I missing out?
Is Substack going to make my life better in some way?
Next thing you know, I've started using Substack.
This is mimetic desire.
It was - at the time - an unconscious desire for something based simply on the fact that other people were using it.
And this phenomenon happens ALL. THE. TIME.
Thankfully, my email platform of choice is a low-cost example of mimetic desire and is easily and inexpensively corrected.
But here's the thing...
I'll almost certainly do it again.
And you will too!
Think about retirement.
Are your retirement goals REALLY YOUR goals, or are they an amalgam of what you've seen others do?
Or what others say they want to do?
What about your other goals or financial decisions?
The car you drive
The house you live in
Where your kids went to school
The clothes you wear
What about choices you've made in the past?
Have they been YOUR choices, or were they influenced by what you see and hear around you?
I'll let you be the judge.
But I know I'm not immune to mimetic desire.
In fact, I suspect this might be at least part of the reason I'm regularly asked some version of this question by my clients:
"How do I/we stack up compared to your other clients?"
I encourage you to honestly assess - now and in the future - the "WHY" associated with your "WANT."
Don't fall victim to mimetic desire or "the romantic lie."
Instead, get honest with yourself about who YOU are, the life YOU want to lead, and YOUR why.
I believe this will lead to a happier life and less regret along the way.
But I'd love to know what you think.
Hit reply and share your thoughts.
Links & Things
My latest podcast episode is a farewell. After 50+ installments, including many with wonderful guests, I'm moving on from my podcast project. It's been fun and I'm thankful for all of you who have listened and provided feedback and suggestions along the way. And like most things on the internet, it will be available for your listening pleasure well into the future. But for now,
Sharing another Arthur Brooks article, one that was brought to my attention by a friend and colleague. Thanks, Perry!
Thank you, as always, for reading.
And if you have any questions or an idea for a future newsletter, blog post, or YouTube video, I'd love your input.
Just hit reply - I read (and appreciate) every email you send.
Until next Wednesday,
Russ