Be More Selfish
Remember: It's YOUR plan... not someone else's
Happy Wednesday!
I was scrolling through Linkedin last week when I saw that my friend Zoe shared this:
Click play. You might also have to click the “speaker” button in the lower right corner to get audio.
It’s short but worth it.
This is John Green, a long-time YouTuber and author of this book:
And this book 👆 eventually became this 👇 movie:
I haven’t read the book or seen the movie, but between John and his brother, Hank, they have millions of YouTube subscribers, and John has written a best-selling book that was made into a movie.
I don’t know Mr. Green and he doesn’t know me, but I’m guessing he’s doing OK financially.
Which is why his short Instagram video above really caught my attention…
I’ve written before about “mimetic desire” which you can read about here:
In short, mimetic desire is our tendency to unconsciously let others set the agenda for our lives as we often try to meet others’ expectations of us.
This can impact decisions across all areas of our lives…
Whether it’s where we go to school, the person we settle down with, the career we pursue, the type of home we live in, the brand of car we drive, or even some of the goals in our personal financial plans, all of these decisions are often influenced by those around us.
And you likely influence others too!
What I took away from the Instagram post from Mr. Green is that he recognized this and took back control of what and who was important in his life.
He was selfish.
And I congratulate him.
I wish many of you were more selfish when it comes to the life you’re living.
And the financial planning you’re doing.
I mean this in the best, most positive way possible.
If you’re in a job you hate, start exploring and pursuing a better choice.
Same with relationships, with your financial obligations, and virtually every other aspect of your life.
This ain’t a dress rehearsal.
It’s up to you to make the most of your life each and every day.
In being selfish, you might choose to give more money away today. To your kids, to your church, or to someone else.
Giving money away, regardless of the recipient, is generally considered anything but selfish.
But I think you should only give money away if it’s on your terms.
But it’s your decision. And it’s your right - maybe even your obligation - to be selfish.
It’s not anyone else’s life.
It’s yours and yours alone.
I’d love to tell you I’m immune to mimetic desire and the influence of others.
But I’m guilty of this too! 🙋♂️
I’m trying to be more mindful of this as I go through each day and evaluate my choices and would encourage you to do the same.
What do you think?
Do you agree that selfishness can be a virtue when it comes to living your one and only life on your terms?
Or do you disagree and think you should live your life more for those who are most important to you?
Or is it somewhere in the middle?
I’m not suggesting extreme selfishness here, but I do want to encourage you to life your life with purpose. Your purpose, whatever that may be.
All too often, I see clients - especially my women clients - who are so focused on others like their children or their parents, that they run the risk of not living their own lives.
Hit reply and let me know what you’re thinking…
Thanks!
Thank You!
I’m glad you’re here. And I’m grateful to have you as a reader.
If you have any questions or an idea for a future email letter, blog post, or YouTube video, I'd love your input.
Or if you just want to say hi 👋
Simply hit reply - I read (and genuinely appreciate) each and every message you send.
Until next Wednesday,
Russ
I loved The Fault in Our Stars and I love what Green says on Instagram. And I agree with you all the way up until this: "so focused on others like their children or their parents, that they run the risk of not living their own lives." I took care of my mother and the time required to do so increased gradually over the years until in her last year it became at least half of my schedule and then almost entirely my schedule. And I'm a mom, and maybe you'd agree that raising kids well is more time-intensive than for previous generations for many reasons. My point is: this taking care of those I love IS my life. Even though I have displaced some of my own pursuits at times, I don't regret a minute of my sacrifice. I worry that women lose out on some of the greatest rewards of life because the messaging is to look outside one's own close circle, when in the end, that can be everything. (I do recognize that my ability to do all this caretaking is, in itself a luxury not everyone can afford--which is sad.)
Over 35 years ago, I got selfish and started seeing a therapist thru outpatient alcoholism treatment. One day at a time, just for today, I have been sober ever since. Back in 2019 I started meeting with a financial planner. After initial meeting, he kept pushing me to change our home and auto insurance. I was not concerned at that point with saving a couple of bucks on insurance, I needed to look at where I stood financially in preparing to retire in the next couple of years. I spun my wheels getting nowhere with this person and finally used the pandemic as an excuse to end the relationship. It was pretty much a waste of money. They even screwed up our taxes which thankfully I caught before they were filed. Unfortunately I am still trying to figure things out as far as retirement is concerned.